Original in Telugu – Hitasri
Engaged in writing ever since he got out of sleep and vexed
with it, Ramamurthy, the young clerk in Taluk office, pushing all the papers
into the drawer, comes out of the office. He starts walking towards the park. Darkness is just spreading its tentacles. The
cool breeze is struggling to get his numbed mind back to its normal state. Throwing
himself on a bench in the park, inhaling deeply and exhaling air leisurely, he,
raising his head, casually glancing at the man sitting by his side and suddenly
remembering something, looking at him intently, “Hey Subbarao!” exclaims Ramamurthy, keeping his hand on his shoulder. Wondering, turning to Ramamurthy
and seeing him, “Oh You! Thought somebody else”, says the other man.
“What are you doing?”
“Aren’t you seeing, right now I am sitting here on the bench.”
“Smarty! Studying or doing a job?”
“Studying Engineering—second year.”
Ramamurthy stares at him in surprise. He never thought that
Subbarao would come up in education. Subbarao, who copied every solved sum from
his notebook till the school final year, is today studying engineering!
Ramamurthy could not believe it.
“Got first class in Intermediate!”
“No…of course there was a big recommendation. So I could get
the seat easily.”
“Lucky fellow.”
“What are you doing?”
Ramamurthy’s mind is pricked by it. What is he doing! What
should he say! Turning down his face, he said, “Working in taluk office…”
“Why? Given up studying?”
Reminiscing about the old days, Ramamurthy says feebly, “Yes”.
“What for?”
“What, what for? No money. Otherwise why would I stop”, says Ramamurthy sadly. He stood first in the school final examination. Tried his
best to study further, but could not succeed. That very year his father died.
So, out of compulsion he joined a government service. In the second year of the
service, he got married too. All those days flashed in his mind vividly.
“Why would he speak to us, he is now an employee!” Hearing
those words, Ramamurthy raises his head. Viswanatham, his classmate, stands right in front of them. Patting on Ramamurthy’s back, Subbarao says: “Remember
Viswanatham?” Ramamurthy feels amused at it. Why would he not remember? Has he
become an officer to forget? Bringing a smile on his face, Ramamurthy says, “Hey! Viswanatham, what are you doing?”
“Studying MBBS.”
MBBS! So, in a few years he would become a doctor. There
appears none amongst his classmates who isn’t studying further. One is
engineer, another is doctor—what else others might be studying! But, he is forever Ramamurthy, SSLC.
As though to quench the jealousy that he had developed while
studying with Ramamurthy in the school, Viswanatham says, “Joined as a clerk in
taluk office?”
Ramamurthy blushes. How scornfully these fellows, who copied the
solved problems from his notebook from A to Z, are looking at him today! What
is their greatness over me either in intelligence or in determination or in
virtue? Could any one of them ever win a match of chess with me?
These fellows, who stood on bench, period after period, are today engineers,
doctors. He is but a taluk office clerk! They are, of course, superior to him
in one aspect—wealth. It is unfair and a crime that with that one superiority
they could acquire an opportunity to crush him into silence. If only he too were
endowed with an opportunity to study in college…! Why to think of all this?
What can be achieved by building castles in the air? No alternative, but to be
content with the given.
Determining to at least spend a few minutes with friends
cheerfully, he says, “Please let me be in, in whatever you both are talking
about”.
“Hi…Hi…Hi… What can you understand about college affairs?” Laughs Viswanatham.
“Hi…Hi…Hi…”, Subbarao too joins him.
Ramamurthy, who, somehow swallowing the anger against his officer
in the office came to park, not being able to put up with the insult being
heaped upon him by friends, suddenly gets up and saying “See you”, starts for
home.
* * * * *
As Ramamurthy steps into the house, darkness was ruling the
roost.
“Why haven’t you lit the lantern?” says he peevishly to his wife.
“Lantern glass was broken”.
“Why broken?”
“Slipped out of hand”.
“Why?” questions Ramamurthy angrily.
“Ask the broken glass pieces”, says Janaki indifferently.
“You should have then lit the lamp?” says Ramamurthy.
“No kerosene in it”.
“Shouldn’t you fill up then?”
“No kerosene in the house”.
“OK, at least lit that buddi”.
“No matchbox”.
Fishing out matchbox from his pocket, Ramamurthy flings it at
her with force.
“At whom that anger!”
“Shut up”.
“That’s what I told you not to say, at least a lakh times. I
cannot stomach such harsh words….”
“Enough is enough”.
“Why do you unnecessarily prick like that? What gain by
showing all your anger on the officer at home?”
“Move away for a while from here”.
“There is only one room”.
“Chi! You are
making my life restless”, says Ramamurthy in abhorrence. Janaki stares at him
angrily—revoltingly. Involuntarily, tears
roll down from Janaki’s eyes. She never thought that her life will be like
this even in dreams. Four years back, all her aspirations, intentions had all
been mercilessly thrown off. She was not uneducated—studied up to SSLC, though
could not complete it. Reminiscing over her feelings, perceptions of those
days, she feels sad. Despite her beauty, education and good intentions she was
to marry a man, who had studied equivalent to her, an ordinary clerk, that too,
much against her wish, for she was poor. In just a minute all her desires had become
stars in the sky. She never thought even in dreams that she would one day lead
a life full of troubles, impoverishment and abuses of the husband. Whatever
might be the other things, if only her husband had treated her well there would
have been no pain. But, having something working upon his mind, he, pinned by
it, always displayed an irritating disposition at home. True, work might be
heavy, but then, are all behaving like this? Why to show his anger against
somebody of the office here at home? All
said and done, how one can own such a culture when one is not that educated!
She had craved to marry a person who was at least a BA. But why now quarrying those
longings and cribbing at them—what for? Whatever had to happen, had happened. Why
this dirty thought now?
“Won’t you feel like serving food?”
Hearing Ramamurthy’s question, Janaki returns from her dream
world. What is that asking? Her feelings which had just compromised again revolted.
Mechanically, she gets up and serves food.
“Ghee?”
“No, exhausted”.
Staring at her irritatingly, Ramamurthy starts eating.
“Nothing else?”
“No”.
“OK. Serve buttermilk”.
“No”.
“Why?”
“Cat had turned it down”.
“What are you doing?”
“As if there is only one work—to keep a watch on cat”.
“So what to do now?”
“What am I to do?”
“What can you do? Jump into well”, says Ramamurthy furiously.
“You are proving well that a clerk’s authority runs only at
home”.
“What, uttering?” Getting up angrily, Ramamurthy spanks Janaki
on her cheek with all the force at his command.
Hitherto, it had only been her esteem, her heart, but today
her body too had been violated. Tears stream down from her eyes. With a choked
voice she says, “Whether I had food or not, I am having abuses and beatings
sumptuously.”
Seeing on her smooth cheek the mark of his five fingers as an
imprint of red ink, even in that blinking light so vividly, he questions himself
within: “Oh brute! What have you done?”
“Janakii.”
Holding back tears,
Janaki turns her head aside.
“Janaki! Ask, who gave the authority to this hand that has
been sold away to government for sixty-seven rupees per month to beat you?”
Janaki wipes away her tears with the hem of her sari.
“Ask Janaki, ask”, yells Ramamurthy.
No reply.
“This body that has been leased out has no authority even to
touch you. This clerk, who has no ability even to feed you, has no right even
to look at you. For having done a job with no authority, this is the right
punishment.”
Keeping his palm on the table, he hits his fingers with the
ruler that he had brought from office for drawing statements, using all his
force. Hearing the sound, Janaki, raising her head and seeing the swollen palm
of Ramamurthy, shrieks. Looking at his hand, Ramamurthy laughs like a mad
fellow.
“The other hand will henceforth behave”.
Despite the struggle,
not being able to contain her tears, Janaki quickly procures a wet cloth and
tying it to his hand says in a choked voice, “What is this? Have you lost
yourself?”
“Janaki, before marriage I used to pity myself, now I have to
feel pity seeing you too. The despair of two living beings, the pain caused by my
insatiate desires, have all made me restless. Merely due to lack of money, my
intellect…my life is becoming useless. Similarly, your desires and beauty are
becoming useless … merely for want of money. I know. You haven’t visualized
even in dreams that a man like me would ever become your husband. I do know I
am not a match to you. Nothing special in me. What I have studied had been
studied by you too. You are more good-looking than I. So what, you don’t have
wealth. Therefore, you have no joy. Same is with me too. For there is no money,
I have no education. For I have no education, I have no joy. Because of the
absence of these two, I have no peace.
For I don’t have peace, and there being no other way to
quench the anger that I get on the world, I yell at you once in a while. Thus
proving that the authority of a clerk runs at home only…”
“I would never again say like that”, says Janaki tenderly.
“Why you to say? Don’t I Know! Irrespective of feeding you or
not, at least there is no dearth of abuses, beatings…”
“What is this, I never thought that you are feeling so sorry
of all this”, says Janaki sympathetically.
“It’s not possible for me to study further; nor is it
possible for you to get married again. So …”,
Saying, “Chi! What
are you talking”, Janaki shuts Ramamurthy’s mouth with her palm. As she comes nearer
to him, seeing the red imprint of his fingers on Janaki’s cheek, suppressing his
anguish in heart, Ramamurthy, smiling forcefully, says:
“With a spank the ghost ran away?”
“Oh! not me, the ghost has possessed you only", says
Janaki.
* * * * *
First Published in Telugu Swatantra in 1950
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