Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Bhava Bandhalu (Emotional Bondages)

Original in Telugu by D Kameswari



Smt D Kameswari is a reputed short story writer and a novelist in Telugu language.  Having commenced her writing career in 1962, she has so far published 11 anthologies of short stories and 20 novels. ‘Kottamalupu’ is one of her most popular novels. Some of her stories were translated into Hindi, Kannada and Tamil languages. She acquired many awards, notable among them are Madras Telugu Academy Award, Telugu University Award, etc. 


**


“Varun, tomorrow is Sunday. So, you both come for lunch”, said Janaki to her son.

“Anything special, anybody coming?” enquired Varun.  

“Does it warrant any special occasion for a mother to call her son for lunch or for a son to visit her mother? Just wish to speak with you. So, both of you come down and be with me till evening.” 

Remaining silent for a while, Varun saying, “She is not at home, went to her parents”, hung up the phone.

**

Putting her hand around the shoulder of her son who arrived at 11 0 clock, she said with a tinge of displeasure, “won’t come unless called! It’s almost a month since you came last, you know?”

“True amma but come Sunday, some undefinable laziness overtakes me!” Tucking himself in the sofa relaxingly with a smile said, “Last week you did come,  what matters most is our meeting… it doesn’t matter who came where”.

“Expected Navya to be home. That’s why I asked both of you to come”.

“By weekend her mind drives her toward her parent’s home. By the time I was back home at 7pm, she wasn’t there. Didn’t even phone!” 

“How is it? Any tiff, again? How could she go without informing?”

“Amma, I don’t know. Don’t ask me?” Continued in a dejected tone: “Goes and returns at her will and pleasure. I won’t ask.”

“How come, wife won’t tell where she is going? And husband won’t ask where she had been to! What a family? This is no good of you both”, said in a mild chiding tone. ” 

Amma, that’s why I won’t come. No sooner did I arrive than you would start preaching. There in the house her howling, here yours … . Whatever I might say, you always support your daughter-in-law. No point in talking about it … serve lunch, I’ll eat and go”, said rashly.

“What my son! Like a child, what’s this sulk even at this age of 30!” said she holding his hand caressingly. “How daughter-in-law could matter more to me than you? But, the girl who joined us must be treated as a daughter. Wondering, of course, from her side that in her hurt mood she should not think that mother and son are one, I attempt, as an elder, to soften the atmosphere. Look Bobby, what you men know about the mental status of a girl who came to in-law’s house? Leaving behind the natal home and the love and affection of parents, having all at once joining a new home, new people, new habits, a new atmosphere, she would need time to think that this house and these people are mine. For the girl, who came reposing all the faith in you, the husband, it is for us to give her confidence saying, ‘here we are for you, you are ours, and this home is yours’. Such being her state of mind, you should lend her emotional support. It’s only when we make her believe that mother-in-law too is like her mother, a mother-in law can counsel her daughter-in-law as to what is good and what is not. As the elder of the house, ‘Isn’t it my duty to mediate between you both to set right things?’ Yet, could I speak with her as bluntly as I could with you?”

“That’s Ok! Don’t imagine that I said something hurting and she felt bad of it. I haven’t said anything. There was no quarrel either. Every Sunday, Navya runs to her natal home. This time round she went on Saturday itself. That’s all! Had she told of it beforehand, you think I would say no; even if I say no, would she stay back! That’s why I remain indifferent!” said Varun impatiently.

“Yesterday Navya came here. You know, she spoke to me for a considerable time”, said Janaki leisurely. 

Varun was surprised. Recovering himself quickly, “Why then are you asking me? Is this cross-examination meant for ascertaining what she said is true or otherwise?” asked Varun straight looking into her eyes.

Not being able to decide how much to reveal about what transpired between herself and Navya, she casually said, “nothing new, the same old complaint. You won’t go with her anywhere. Won’t mix-up with people. Her friends’ hubbies go along with them to social parties and picnics. Your not joining her for such trips is making her feel ashamed. Why don’t you accompany her when she so longingly asks for?”

“Oh, she and her friends! Those parties irritate me. Made-to-believe conversations, false laughter, garish-attire —all that looks petty for me. I know none of them. Yet in the beginning, for her sake, I did accompany her a couple of times. Come holiday, she talks about parties … hotels. But I feel like sitting with a good book … feel like listening to good music in quite a relaxed mood”, said Varun peevishly.  

“True, her tastes are different, I have noticed it when you both were here. Phones, friends, all that of course, is too much. But, to satisfy her, at least once in a while, one may have to entertain even such things which one may not relish to do, that too, to satisfy a wife. If there are to be no conflicts in the family and for the good of each other, some kind of adjustment is warranted”, said she amicably.

“Amma, I do go for marriages and such other related auspicious family functions, though I don’t know any of them. But going to clubs, pubs, and those drink-parties of male and female… well, I don’t know but I somehow don’t feel like going for them. Office parties on special occasions such as New Year… are anyway inevitable once in a couple of months. But come holiday, and if you say, ‘let’s go’, well, it won’t happen with me. Anyway, I haven’t stopped her… many times I told her: ‘go and enjoy yourself… but don’t disturb me’”, said Varun. Sensing honesty in what he said, she could not but nod her head mechanically. 

“Having no evocation, she is craving for something new. No work at home either. Won’t like cooking so, engaged a cook. The cook makes food and arranges it on the dining table. Her only work is to go to office and return. Home, its upkeep, cooking none of them are to her liking. Enough, if she had friends, phone calls and outings, that’s all. She is still behaving like a college going girl”, said Varun quite disgustedly.

Immediately after marriage, waiting for their flat getting ready for occupation, Varun and Navya stayed with Janaki for about six months. Hoping that the newly arrived daughter-in-law would learn the household work on her own, Janaki didn’t assign her any work for quite some time. Of course, she did anticipate that she would on her own come to the kitchen and lend her hand in cutting vegetables, or placing dinner ready on the dining table and so on. But that didn’t happen. Janaki wondering, maybe she wasn’t habituated to attend to such works at home, perhaps, grown up like that, carried on. 

“I don’t know, you say differently, and yesterday Navya made a serious complaint”, said Janaki.

“What did she say? And why telling you? She could have directly spoken to me”, said Varun furiously. 

Being stuck in the dilemma of what to say and what not, she remained silent.

**

“Attayya garu, I am going to my parent’s home. For, you treat me as daughter rather than as a daughter-in-law, I thought I should share with you before leaving and so am here. You please don’t say anything more now: I won’t listen even if you say anything”, said Navya aggressively as soon as she entered the house.

Keeping aside the book in her hand and looking at her reddened face Janaki said, “go in and first drink water”.

“Right, tell me now where you wanted to go?” questioned Janaki, looking into her eyes straight. “First to my parents’ home and then will think of what next.”

“What’s that so grave an incident that prompted you to quit your house and go to parents”, enquired Janaki.

“What’s there to say? It became very clear that your son will not change. No longer I can get on with him. No more I would like to adjust with him. No fondness, no merriness. I cannot bear a husband who sits like a dumb Muni (saint). I look forward to fun in the life. I need people. Amidst fiends, ramblings, friendly social parties I want to lead a life of fun and frolic. Our tastes do not match. We no longer can pull on together”, said she frenziedly.

“So, what next? Want to take divorce? Get separated? Decided?” staring at daughter-in-law Janaki asked coolly.

Stifled by her questions, Navya, after a minute replied: “Don’t know, I haven’t thought that far. But one thing is certain: I won’t stay with him anymore”. Looking at the daughter-in-law who, as a child spoke stubbornly, Janaki asked, “Did you inform him?”

“No. First I want to move out of that house. Just to see if my absence would make any difference to him. Let me give a chance for him to change!” said she rather presumptuously.

“Oh! So, it’s only a bullying tact, just to see what he would do?”

“Attayya garu, don’t take your son’s side, I will get wild.”

“You know, I won’t side with anyone blindly, rather attempt to advise whoever is wrong to set it right”, said Janaki with a smile.

“That’s precisely the reason why I came to inform you before leaving”, said Navya softly.

“Look Navya, all persons are not alike. So long you clamour for fulfilment of your wishes alone, then you can’t avoid conflicts in the family. When you know clubs and parties are not to the liking of your husband, you should have that craft which gets him round your lifestyle. When you don’t have it, you must respect the feelings of the other and adapt yourself to them.” 

“You mean for his sake I have to give off all my desires. Am I not going with him to his parties?” questioned Navya challengingly.

“Yes, we women folk can mingle with anyone in no time. Can talk animatedly. Our acquaintances and friendships are aplenty. If you want him to be like you, then you have to win him with your love. If you, wondering we too are educated, we too are earning, simply question why men’s likes and dislikes alone should rule the roost, then quarrels in the family become inevitable. When it’s warranted, one has to withdraw from the conflict. Similarly, when it’s required to listen to the other, one must… but at the same time when it is called for, one must equally assert. Mere constant nagging won’t yield anything.”

“True, it’s after all your son, so you can’t but talk like this. Even educated women like you advise women to adjust and adopt to men forever”, said Navya angrily.

“Why, today’s young men have changed a lot! Are they like what husbands of our time were? No, we do see tremendous change now”, said Janaki looking at her. 

Looking uneasily, said Navya: “So, you mean there is nothing wrong with your son”.

“There could be—why won’t there be? Everyone will have one or the other, no one is perfect! But the point is, it all depends on how one looks at it. Look, today’s girls appear to be expecting their husbands to be all perfect, eager to care for the wives and willingly obey all their commands. If there is even a slight deviation from these expectations they think their dreams melted away. They, feeling sad of it, harass their husbands. Before marriage, you both moved together for almost a year, claiming to be friends, lovers and wantonly married. Haven’t you bothered to check about these things then?” questioned Janaki in a raised tone. 

“In those days he roamed along with me alright”, said Navya jeeringly.

“Yah, boys, to impress the girls as boyfriends, meekly follow girls. And to please the boys, girls, decking themselves in different attires, endearingly make the boys to roam around them. But expecting a boyfriend to be the same after becoming a husband, is nothing but your stupidity.  Remember Navya, affection soars high only when there is a two-way flow. It’s just not to give you a feeling that I have a say in your family matters, I kept quite all along. Cut short those social parties, jaunts of your unmarried-days, and stay focussed on your family. If you pay attention to your house and husband everything would get straightened,” said Janaki. Sensing a certain chiding in what her mother-in-law said, she angrily got up and walked away swiftly.

**

“Whatever I had to say, I said to her firmly. Of course, I haven’t expected her to get away sulkily even after what all I said. Anyway, it has almost become a routine for her to go to her parents every Sunday. Tomorrow being a working day, she would come back,” said Janaki to pacify her son. 

“Ammaa, don’t ring her up anymore. Let her come whenever she wants. Even if she won’t come, I will not enquire,” said Varun peevishly. She could understand her son’s annoyance.

“Varun, can I just say something? It’s two years since you got married. There should be change at every stage of life. Immediately after marriage, with new wife, love, craze, enamorment, affiliation, first year passes off fast. Thereafter, if the bondage between wife and husband has to get strengthened, children have to be around, for that infuses change in lives. It is through rearing children and the associated joy thereof, bondage between wife and husband gets strong–love grows. For the sake of children, one’s habits, passions automatically get changed … adjustment-attitude becomes the norm.”

“Now a days, boyfriends, love, fancies, chatting, attractions are all being experienced well before marriage itself. There being nothing new or change, one is wondering, ‘Is this what after all marriage mean?’ With the growing family responsibilities, job demands and the concomitant need for adjustment, there appears to be no thrill in the married life. Both wife and husband are getting so tired in the office work that there seems to be no space for Sringara in life. As a result, growing detachment, missing passion for each other and waning bondages have become common— and all this is leading to mounting annoyance, anger, stubbornness, quarrels and even divorces.”

“So, what do you want to say? Everyone is working, but are they ignoring their household responsibilities like Navya?”

“Her status in their house as the ‘only-girl-child’, over-pampering of parents by not assigning her any housework appear to me as the lacuna in her brought up. Girls do learn after marriage. But Navya has still not picked up the responsibility of a householder. Hoping that once moved to her own house, she would cultivate householder responsibility, particularly, fearing that if I were around, she would neither own up the responsibility nor do bother to learn family chores, I didn’t move with you to your flat despite your anger and sorrow”.

“Yes, I was angry at first, but later understood why you said no to move along with me and why you preferred to stay all alone in this house. Ammaa I am telling you, don’t ring her up”, saying, he walked away furiously.

**

“Come in Varun, come in,” invited his father-in-law very affectionately. Standing up, his mother-in-law said, “Come, sit here”. As they so very happily received him, he felt surprised. As the expected unpleasantness and serious atmosphere was absent, he felt a kind of relief—almost after a week.

As his father-in-law, calling him on phone, said, “Varun you must come once urgently”, he at first wondered: “What Navya might have said? What preaching he would give? Or, Will he, cross-examining me, give ultimatum?” Finally, deciding to discuss with them about Navya and settle it, having gone there, and being surprised at their affectionate reception and pleasant atmosphere, he enquired, “What’s the matter, asked me to come urgently?”

“If not urgently, is it something ordinary to convey leisurely, our grand-child is arriving! Look, stopping the childish quarrels, you both must start preparing to play the roles of mummy and daddy,” said he excitedly… happily.

Staring uncomprehendingly for a minute, he at once uttered, “What! Really?” in great surprise. “Navya didn’t say to me”.

“Oh! If only she knew! Complaining about nausea and vomiting, as she didn’t take food, her mother took her to the doctor.” Saying, “Go, go into room”, he drove him in.

**

“You know, it’s just to let my babu (son) have father’s love, I am coming,” said Navya sitting in the car with her cutely narrowed mouth.

“It’s OK! Having got so much love for the child yet to born, you are coming to up-lift me. Welcome home,” responded Varun tauntingly.

“I do have. It’s you who don’t have love for me,” said she leaning on his shoulder amorously.

“Putting a full stop to all your stupid acts, prepare yourself to transform from a college-girl avatar to a mother’s avatar. If you talk about parties, mind you, I will break your legs. If you touch drink, l’ll break your hands. Shut your mouth and do what I say,” said Varun threateningly with a smile.

“You great, come on! That's not your cup of tea! Anyway, I don’t mind quitting job and sitting at home happily, well, that’s all the better”.

“No way, you can’t do that. You would work till the 9th month. Otherwise, a lazy-fellow like you might born. Must lead active life…. And to be healthy, no drink …”

“Enough, I know it all…. Doctor did tell me. Don’t preach morals. The moment I heard I am pregnant, started controlling—‘you shouldn’t do this or shouldn’t that’… On delivery, I might lose all my freedom, perhaps…” saying Navya portrayed sorrow.

“That’s it! For a bellowing bull nose ring is installed. To calm-down fellows like you, children are bestowed,” said Varun teasingly.

**

Anxiously waiting in the balcony for the arrival of her son and daughter-in-law, Janaki, noticing them walking in from the car joyously, hugged them both happily at the door itself. 

After the co-father-in-law shared the happy news about her daughter’s pregnancy and ever since Varun phoned her up about their arrival, she, in her blissful happiness landed on cloud nine. On her son’s arrival, hearing his narrations, she said: “Yes, my dear son, tying the yellow thread around the neck in marriage a husband controls the wife. Then once children born, they tighten the family bondage.

“Amma, all said and done, always supports women only,” said Varun.

"No. it’s not that way, should I say the truth. In our country, families remain stable only because of children. Children are the real agents holding the wife and husband together,” said she staring at them cheerfully.

**

 


 

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